La Petite Mort
by Tweedledeedum
Summary: Dan and Blair get busy. ALL over New York. My smutty take on how Dan and Blair come to find their "groove." Season six will never exist in this world. Nor will the crap-tastic portion of season five. Not much plot. MATURE.
1. Dan and Blair Get Busy in the Elevator

_**La Petite Mort ("The little death," aka, orgasm)**_

_***Edited to fix the title. Much thanks French Guest reviewer for the correction :)**_

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**I'm working on Chapter 24 of "The Cheaters," but found myself in need of a little palate cleanser! So voila. Plus it's Valentine's Day! **

**I'm sure some very talented writers have already tackled this subject (back when the show was actually still on the air!), but I wanted to take a crack at it anyway. This is my smutty interpretation (filling in the gaps, elaborations) of how Dan and Blair overcame their less than stellar "first time." The plan is for this to be a series of steamy one-shots chronicling Dan and Blair's close encounters all over New York. No plot.**

**WARNING: They're not shy. So if that isn't your thing, you may want to skip this.**

**Thank you Faryn Queens for the title suggestion (and for other suggestions, lol).**

**It starts with the "Dair-levator…"**

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**Dan and Blair Get Busy in an Elevator**

Daniel Jonah Humphrey and Blair Cornelia Waldorf were two very sensitive, highly cerebral individuals. Overachievers with an innate pressure to perform.

Perfectionists.

Planners. Thinkers.

But there were times that "planning" and "thinking" actually worked against them.

Case in point: _Their first time in the sack._

There would have been no problem whatsoever had they just gone for it on the floor of the loft the night Blair showed up on Dan's doorstep. The night of CeCe's wake. The night Blair told Dan Chuck didn't have her heart anymore.

The night she'd said his _name_. Over and over and over.

"_Dan…Dan…Dan…_"

He'd waited for what seemed like an eternity to get to this point with Blair. He'd fantasized about what it would be like to be with her. He'd written an entire book about her—complete with graphic sex scenes. For all the world to see...

Sexual frustration didn't even begin to describe what he'd experienced.

But the apple was in his hand now. All he had to do was dive right in for a big, juicy bite.

Right here. In his Brooklyn loft. Possibly on the floor. Potentially on the sofa. Maybe on the kitchen island.

Or all three.

She was not only going to be saying his name. She was going to be _screaming_ it.

This was happening.

This _wasn't_ happening.

Lily and Rufus came barging in just as Dan was laying Blair down on the sofa, his hand creeping stealthily for second base at the time.

It should have happened. They wouldn't have had time to think. Or plan. It should have been spontaneous.

Unfortunately, it was just the first in what would become a string of highly aggravating and inopportune disruptions.

Over the course of the next few weeks, Dan and Blair tried a few more times at the loft. But a recently evicted Lily and Rufus were _always_ around—Rufus cooking up batches of waffles, and giving Dan winks and the thumbs up sign; Lily drinking tea. And pouting.

So they gave it a whirl at Blair's.

But if it wasn't Lily and Rufus distracting them, it was Serena, who appeared to know precisely what her ex and best friend were up to. She would march, blatantly and repeatedly, along the hardwood floor in her Chloé studded boots every time Blair's door was shut. She would enter their shared bathroom. She would audibly sigh just outside of Blair's door.

And it wasn't just Lily, Rufus, and Serena that were problems. There were also elusive condoms, ill-mannered housekeepers, and unfortunate unzipping incidents to contend with.

When Blair's attempt at a sneak Humphrey seduction—in a newly acquired lacy, black lingerie set—went down in flames at the loft, they decided on another tactic.

Blair was still married to Louis, so they couldn't exactly escape to a proper, romantic pied-a-terre, but they could seek refuge in a staid, uninspired hotel room in Brooklyn.

Had they been thinking clearly, they would have instantly recognized what a mistake this was. Blair and Dan were romantics. A bland hotel room would hardly suffice. After all of the build up and excitement and extreme close encounters, they were settling for a completely uninspired location.

And unsurprisingly, the sex was completely uninspiring as well.

Again, had they been thinking, they would have seen at the outset how they'd been setting themselves up for failure.

So they did what any two disheartened people in their situation would have done.

They turned to alcohol.

Vodka for Blair.

Scotch for Dan.

After some pep talks from Dorota and Nate, they met up at Ivy's party, not quite knowing where their relationship stood or what to expect once they got there.

One thing was certain. Neither was feeling any pain.

They stood on the elevator, side by side. Drunk. Subdued. Swaying.

Completely forgetting to press buttons that were required to make the lift move between floors. Soon enough, Dan and Blair were calling each other out on their inebriation. And soon enough they were also calling each other out on the other's avoidance tactics.

That's when Blair finally broke it to Dan, just as Dorota had encouraged her to.

"_That 'wow…' actually meant 'wow…' That was terrible!_"

As they traveled between floors, Dan and Blair continued to reflect on the bland sexual experience. And unfortunately came to the same conclusion.

"_But before we uh, we break up, I just want to let you to know that you were really, really good in my head…_"

Blair scoffed. "_I am really, really good out of it, too!_"

Dan found himself suddenly titillated as she poked him in the chest, trying to emphasize her point. Dan's eyes narrowed. "_No. I don't think so_."

He was attempting to get a rise out of her now.

"_Hey! I will prove it to you_," Blair snapped before pulling the emergency stop button and proceeding to shove him against the wall, much to his amusement. And excitement.

This. This was the kind of scenario Dan had fantasized about.

At two in the morning. When the rest of the world was sleeping. This was the bossy, feisty, competitive, take charge Blair he'd come to simultaneously adore and be utterly aroused by.

And now here she was. Standing before him. Determined to fuck his brains.

"_Right…right here in this elevator?" _he quipped._ "Where people have to go up and down?_"

Dan could feel his cock stiffen as she forcefully grabbed his lapels.

"_Mhmm, yes they do_…"

Dan swallowed hard.

And with that, Blair pounced on him, performing hot, steamy mouth to mouth. He pulled her in close, hands wrapping around the small of her back, savoring the taste of her soft, wet, vodka drenched lips.

They broke apart briefly to rip Dan's blazer off, dropping it haphazardly onto the floor. Dan dove in for another kiss as he helped Blair discard her coat.

They were actually going to do it. In an elevator.

An elevator that certainly had a security camera. And a monitoring service. And an intercom.

But who cared?

With absolutely no warning whatsoever, and to Blair's delight, Dan's hot hands found their way under her thighs, giving them a firm squeeze before suddenly catapulting her up in the air.

Blair giggled as Dan teetered for a moment. It felt like the whole world was spinning as he aggressively carried her to the opposing wall.

Blair let out a tiny squeak, her back hitting against it more roughly than she'd anticipated. She wound her fingers through Dan's hair, pulling tightly as she leaned down to kiss him again.

"I want you, Humphrey…" she gasped as he propped her up. She swiftly went to unbutton his shirt.

He set her down for a moment and she went to work unzipping his fly.

"Blair…" he breathed, his fiery lips assaulting her neck now. His hands moved around to take on the zipper of her dress. He took his time with it, not wanting a repeat of the Prabal incident.

Blair grinned as Dan gently, and smoothly, pulled the dress down from her shoulders. It fell down neatly around her ankles.

His mouth furiously worked both sides of her neck, and she rewarded him by kissing along his warm chest.

"Mhmm," she cried in pleasure as Dan fused his lips on a pressure point along Blair's neck. "Right there…" she gasped.

She rapaciously pulled on his hair again, commanding him to bring his lips up to meet hers. She couldn't get enough of his lips. Her fingers pressed the pulse point on Dan's neck, descending along his pecs.

Their lips were fully engorged now. Devouring. Sucking. She pulled away for a moment, licking her lips and blinking down at him breathlessly. "I know what you need, Humphrey…" She forced him to set her down and ferociously shoved him away.

Dan looked on, his heart racing. What was she talking about? What he wanted was to put his cock inside of her.

She bit her lip innocently, a look that was only making him harder, if that was even possible.

Blair shoved Dan's pants off, then dipped her hand inside his boxers. His breath hitched. "Impressive, Humphrey," she declared before giving him a slow, smooth stroke. Dan's eyes closed at the contact.

"How does that feel?" she whispered.

"Good…good…" Dan stammered, as he bucked against her.

"Brace yourself. It's only going to get _better_." Blair swung him around by his shoulders, slamming his back into the wall. He let out a small grunt of surprise and watched in wonder as she went down to her knees.

She looked up at him, licking her pouty pink lips, a devilish smirk on her face. Blair slowly pulled his boxers down to his knees, keeping eye contact with him the entire time. She gripped the base of his cock, giving the tip a quick taste. "Mmmm."

"Fuck…" He exhaled as Blair's fingertips lightly skimmed over his stomach. She gave him another quick taste. He rewarded her by massaging the top of her head. She whimpered in appreciation.

And she went to work.

She began to lick slowly up and down his shaft now, never breaking eye contact with him. She gripped his legs and took him in her mouth halfway, holding him there for a moment, her tongue swirling in circles. Dan bucked against her, breathless, watching as she began to take him in even further. "Shit…"

She began to caress his balls. Dan's head fell backwards, enjoying the added stimulation.

Blair suddenly pulled her mouth off of him. Dan looked down in protest.

"Eyes on me, Humphrey," she commanded.

Dan did as directed and she slowly descended on his cock again, taking him in as deeply as possible, letting out a series of sighs and moans as she went. She grabbed his ass as she began to suck him off in earnest.

Dan swallowed hard. "Feels so good, Blair…" She lightly skimmed his abdomen in acknowledgement. "I want to cum inside you," he whispered to her.

Blair grinned as she continued to pleasure him.

He suddenly yanked her to her feet, roughly twirling her around. He slammed her against the wall, switching positions yet again. Blair loved how forceful he was being with her.

She wiped her mouth as his index fingers came to rest between the edge of her tights and hipbone.

She gazed up at him, pulling the straps of her bra down and slowly revealing her breasts to him. Dan looked on, mesmerized. She licked her lips and lightly touched them with her fingertips, grazing her nipples, putting on a show for him.

"Touch me, Humphrey."

He methodically placed his hands over hers, and together they palmed her soft, creamy breasts. "Mmm," she sighed gratefully, leaving Dan to do the work as she lifted her arms above her head, giving him full and complete access. Blair convulsed as Dan leaned in and flicked a hard, rosy nipple with his tongue. He then took it between his teeth. "Oh…" she whimpered, closing her eyes in pleasure. "You're making me so wet." Dan groaned at the declaration.

He continued to work her breasts, then began to lick and taste his way down to her stomach and belly button.

"Those people up at that party…" Blair whispered. "Wish they could watch us …" She bucked against him, enjoying the feel of his very talented tongue exploring her body.

It suddenly occurred to Dan that they probably _were_ being watched as he briefly glanced over at the wall panel. There was no doubt some sort of hidden camera. It was the last thing he cared about, though, as he went down to his knees.

One by one he removed Blair's heels, kissing along her calves as he tossed them blindly over his shoulders. Blair giggled as he hiked one of her legs over his shoulder, kissing his way up her thigh directly over her tights, all the way up to her hot, wet center.

"Humphrey…" she moaned as she touched her breasts.

He made brief eye contact with her before suddenly pulling her tights and panties down to her knees, eliciting a drunken, girlish giggle. He moved two fingers inside her. Blair's head tilted back against the wall as he moved them in and out of her.

She bit her lip. "Oh, God. Yes. Fuck me, Humphrey..."

Dan rose to his feet. Within seconds his hands had made their way under her thighs again, propping her up against the wall.

Blair held her breath as he plunged his hard cock inside of her. She screamed in ecstasy, her legs wrapping around his waist. "YES…"

Dan buried his face in her neck as he grinded into her, her nails skimming his back.

"Mmm," she mewed.

"You feel so good, Blair," Dan whispered against her. "So tight…"

He worked her at a slow, even pace, but he wanted to hear her scream his name. He picked pick up the pace. Blair's eyes widened in delight as she felt him pound into her harder. "Oh, OH!"

"This is National Elevator. We have a notification of a stalled elevator car. Is everyone okay?"

It wasn't necessarily a surprise to hear the deep, male voice of an elevator representative coming down over the loudspeaker. Nor was it a surprise that Dan and Blair were completely ignoring it.

"Ah, YES!" Blair screamed, inadvertently answering the attendant's question as her hips met Dan's at every thrust. "So good, Dan. YEAH…"

There was deafening silence from the loudspeaker.

"DAN! OH…Oh GOD…YEAH…" Dan loved what he was hearing.

"Say it again…" Dan whispered.

"Fuck me, DAN! YES! PLEASE! Harder! YES!" Blair screamed at the top of her lungs.

"Say it again, Blair," Dan commanded.

"Okay…" said the now uneasy voice on the loudspeaker. "Um. We will… have someone out to check on the situation soon. So um, just relax and um… Stay where you are. Try not to… to panic…"

"FUCK. I'm coming, Humphrey! OH…mmm!"

With a few more thrusts, Blair had arrived in Humphrey heaven, her walls squeezing his cock with everything she had. "Mmm," she mewed again.

She gazed down at him while he continued to grind into her. Blair continued to meet his hips, touching her breasts and urging him on. "Yes, Humphrey. Fill me up. Like that. So good…"

"Holy fuck! BLAIR…"

Seconds later, Dan exploded inside of her. He collapsed against her, completely spent as he gnawed on her shoulder.

Blair smiled, sated and out of breath as together they came down from their orgasms. Her head fell against the elevator wall.

She peered down at him. "Was I as good as I was in your head?"

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**Thoughts? The next chapter will detail the cab ride to Williamsburg, but if you have any prompts or other ideas let me know :)**

**Have a Happy V-Day everyone! Hope you get to spend it with someone you love :)**


	2. Dan and Blair Get Busy in a Taxi

**Hi all! Thanks so much for the awesome feedback and prompts on this. It wasn't necessarily my intention to update this before the next Cheaters chap, but this just kind of wrote itself, LOL. Suffice it to say it's easier to knock out one of these than one of those. But at any rate, I'm working on the other one, too!**

**And thanks again to the reviewer who corrected me on the title! Much appreciated XOXO **

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**Blair and Dan Get Busy in a Taxi**

"Better…" Dan replied as he set Blair down gently, finally getting his wits about him. "That was… That was… That was indescribable," Dan stammered. "Seriously. I have no words."

"Well I'm certain once your faculties return, you will somehow find a way to formulate at least a few intelligent thoughts on the best sex you ever had. And that you ever _will_ have, Humphrey."

"Everything okay in there?" It was the unmistakeable voice of Vanya echoing down the elevator shaft.

"Yeah, um. All good," Dan shouted, his voice wavering. He looked at Blair. "We need to get out of here."

Blair watched Dan reach for his pants, as she pulled up her tights.

"I don't want to go that party," she said with a small pout.

"Neither do I…" Dan responded, a grin forming on his face.

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Blair was smiling from ear to ear as she crawled into the cab just ahead of Dan.

"_Well, this just proves that sometimes you gotta throw away the first pancake,_" Dan announced, loud and proud.

Blair was tickled. "_I don't know how breakfast food has anything to do with this but obviously, this afternoon was an anomaly_."

"_Where to_?" the dour cabbie questioned. His shift was almost up, and all he wanted to do was grab a six pack and go home to try and catch the last part of the Mayweather fight.

Dan thought for a moment. "_Rufus and Lily are definitely going to come back to the loft at some point_."

"_Mmm, Serena will be at my place,_" Blair responded with a loving pat on Dan's chest.

"_I still have that hotel room_," Dan suggested.

"_To be haunted by the ghost of bad sex past_?" Blair tenderly reminded him as she caressed his cheek.

The cabbie was growing more and more impatient by the minute. "_You two lovebirds going somewhere or not_?"

Blair beamed at Dan. With hooded eyes she proclaimed, "_I need another drink_…"

Dan knew just the place. "_Alright, take us to Williamsburg please_."

The cabbie rolled his eyes. _Fucking Brooklyn_. So much for seeing the rest of the fight.

He looked at Blair. "_There's a place there that's got about three hundred whiskies_," Dan boasted.

Blair was already thinking ahead. "_And hopefully a clean bathroom we can use_…" she sang in his ear suggestively.

Dan leaned in for a heated kiss. By God, he was addicted to those lips. They tasted like a delicious combination of vodka and strawberries and raspberries and… well all the berries really.

She let out a tiny moan as the taxi pulled away from the curb and made it's way into the traffic.

It was dark, the only light coming from the street lights that illuminated their faces every so often. They had been making out feverishly when Dan suddenly had an uneasy feeling.

He peered up to see the taxi driver making less than pleasant eye contact with him.

Dan quickly pulled back.

"Humph-ree," Blair whined at the sudden loss of his lips on hers. "What's wrong?"

Dan gulped. "I think he's um…" He nodded toward the front of the cab, "… a little irritated with us. Maybe we should stop."

"What?" Blair glimpsed up at the driver. "That's ridiculous," she practically shouted. The alcohol was obviously still hard at work. "It's not like he's never had anyone make out in the back of his cab before!"

"Blair, shhh," Dan said, trying to quiet her.

Blair looked at the driver. "Right? People make out in the back of your cab all the time."

The taxi driver mumbled something under his breath.

Blair returned her attention to Dan. "That's what cabs are for, Humphrey."

"Um, technically they're for getting people from point A to point B…" Dan's words trailed off. There was a sudden gleam in Blair's eyes, and a devilish smile forming on her lips.

Dan knew that look. It was a look that simultaneously intoxicated him and freaked him the fuck out.

She licked her lips and turned to address the cabbie.

"Excuse me. Have you ever had anyone go _all_ the way in here?"

"Blair," Dan warned in a hushed whisper. "You're going to get us kicked out of the cab!"

Blair's eyes narrowed on the man who was keeping both eyes steadfastly on the road.

"_Drunks_…" he muttered, shaking his head.

"You strike me as the type of guy who likes to watch. Do you like to watch, sir?"

"Blair…" Dan's face was beet red.

She leaned up, patiently waiting for an answer to her question.

"Would you like to watch my boyfriend and me get it on back here?"

There was an amused smirk on her face, but still no response from the cabbie as they came to pause at a red light.

Dan abruptly pulled Blair by her coat, back against him, in an attempt to keep her from riling the poor man any further. She let out a girlish giggle.

"Sorry," Dan waved up to the driver. The driver scowled back at him, then shook his head. It had been one drunk after another tonight.

"He's so mad…" she whispered into Dan's ear. She sighed and began to nibble on Dan's neck. Dan closed his eyes as she enthusiastically ran her fingers through his hair and bit on his earlobe.

She suddenly pulled back, removing her coat and suggestively tossing it away.

"Um, what are you doing?" Dan questioned.

"Testing my theory."

"Your… Wait. Your theory…?" Dan could feel his heart beating out of his chest.

Blair wet her lips and made knowing eye contact with Dan. "Yes. My theory."

"Blair… Are you nuts?" Dan whispered. "We can't! I'm pretty sure it's illegal."

"I say we can," she countered as she leaned in to kiss him, biting his lip in the process.

"This is no good, Blair…" he breathed. "You're the princess of Monaco," he reminded her.

"Which means, you must obey all of my commands." She began to divest Dan of his coat.

"I command you to fuck me…" she murmured in his ear. "Right here, Humphrey. In the back seat of this taxi."

The car was traveling through midtown now.

Dan shivered at her hot breath on his skin. The truth was he'd always been dying to know if it was even possible. How would it work? With the clothes and the human in the front chauffeuring them about.

Listening. Watching.

His breathing began to intensify, a rush of simultaneous excitement and anxiety pulsating through every point on his body.

Blair scooted herself back across the seat and plopped herself down onto his lap. He was getting harder by the second.

She arranged herself so her back was to his chest. "Blair, what are you…"

She began to dry hump him slowly, alternating between wiggling, and moving her hips in a slow, circular motion.

"Blair this isn't… this isn't good for me," he informed her as she continued to grind down on him.

"Lots of things aren't good for us, Humphrey," she quietly exhaled. "But we do them anyway…" Blair could feel another pair of eyes on her now. She made extended eye contact with the taxi driver. She licked her lips, holding his gaze. "Mmmm…"

Blair reached for Dan's hands and planted them on her thighs, moving them to hike her dress up and massage her.

Dan's eyes rolled back into his head, losing himself in the surprise lap dance.

"How does that feel?" she whispered, making lingering eye contact with the driver once more.

Dan's fingers trickled down her thigh.

"Good." Dan bit his lip.

Blair briefly closed her eyes and touched the back of her neck as she continued to dry hump him at an agonizingly slow pace. Dan groaned quietly.

She suddenly turned herself around to straddle him, teasing him with a little wiggle before grinding down upon him again. She ran her fingers through his hair, then gripped Dan's neck tightly before tilting her head backwards at the taxi driver, giving the driver a teasing little grin.

The driver adjusted himself in his seat, trying his best to focus on the road.

"Blair…" Dan's face strained.

"What? You don't want to cum in your pants, Humphrey?" she whispered with a salacious grin.

"Not really…"

Blair halted her ministrations and reached for her purse, pulling out a condom.

"Alright, Humphrey. I'll grant you a reprieve."

Blair hopped off of Dan for a moment, then unwrapped the condom.

Dan's breath hitched as she slowly unzipped his pants.

Blair glanced at the front, purposely catching the taxi driver's eye before returning her attentions to Dan. She pulled his cock out, and Dan convulsed at her touch.

"This is so wrong…" he exhaled. "So, so wrong…"

Dan watched as she slowly unrolled the condom, then torturously rolled it up his shaft. The driver glanced in the rearview mirror just as Blair's head slowly descended out of view behind the seat.

Dan gripped the upholstery as Blair began to lick the length of his shaft like it was a giant lollipop. She started at a slow, languid pace, and it took everything Dan had not to cry out.

He grabbed his forehead for a moment, concentrating, then decided to try to focus his attentions elsewhere. The city lights were flashing past him in a hazy blur. It was only serving to make him more delirious. "Fuck…" he whispered. Blair was now swirling her tongue around his cock, her head going round and round.

"Blair…" he whispered, his hips bucking up from his seat. He was determined not to bring further attention to them from the driver, not realizing that thanks to Blair, it had already gone way beyond that point.

Blair sat up and conspicuously licked her lips, making sure the driver was seeing. Dan was slumped against the seat, his cock still standing at attention. He watched Blair hazily.

The taxi suddenly accelerated.

Blair crawled back into Dan's lap, pulling her panties and tights down partially before slowly impaling herself upon his cock, her back once again to his chest.

Blair let out a small, muffled cry, and Dan exhaled.

She gave herself a moment to adjust before beginning to leisurely ride him. "Humphrey…" she closed her eyes and bit her lip. She held his hands, playing with his fingers.

Blair opened her eyes and made lazy eye contact with the driver.

Dan's hands moved down to grip her thighs, holding her steady as his lips and teeth worked that special spot on her neck. "Mmm."

Dan groaned quietly as Blair worked her hips in a circular motion again. She turned to reward him with a sultry kiss. Dan gently rubbed her back as she continued to ride him at a torturously slow pace.

He had a clear view of her creamy white ass. She smiled as he gave it a little squeeze.

The car was now heading for the Brooklyn Bridge.

Dan exhaled again, his fingertips coming to dig into Blair's bare hips, hitting her pressure points, encouraging her on.

She made eye contact with the driver again in the rearview mirror, and coyly chewed on her index finger.

The driver shook his head.

"More Humphrey…"

"Fuck…" Dan said, much louder than he had intended. "Oh shit…" He bit her shoulder and palmed her breasts before moving his fingers down to play with her clit.

"Oh," she cried softly, surprised by the added stimulation. "Oh… Mmmm." Dan was making it difficult for her to stay quiet.

The driver looked in the rearview mirror.

Dan grunted, having difficulty staying quiet himself. His teeth clenched in concentration as he pounded her down onto his cock with reckless abandon. He gave her ass another firm squeeze and she let out another muffled giggle.

"Ye-ah…" Blair stifled a cry. "Humphrey…" She bit her lip hard as she came, her eyes closing tightly.

Dan held Blair in place on top of him while he finished. "Fuck," Dan whispered into her ear.

Blair grinned, still involuntarily moving her hips as she held his neck and collapsed back against him. She tilted Dan's head to kiss him.

"Ahem." A gruff voice startled them.

They looked up to see the cabbie staring at them in the rearview mirror.

"You gettin' out or what?"

Blair and Dan looked out the window to see they had indeed arrived at their destination.

Firmly jolted back into reality, Blair gulped nervously, quickly scrambling off of Dan and pulling up her tights in record time.

As discreetly and as speedily as he could, Dan carefully removed the condom and tied it off before proceeding to make himself presentable.

Blair reached for her purse in order to pay the fare.

"Don't worry about it," the driver suddenly blurted.

Blair looked at him quizzically.

"Um. Thank you," Dan quickly exclaimed before hightailing it out of the taxi.

"You love birds have a good night."

Blair's eyes narrowed before following Dan out into the crisp, Brooklyn air.

She briefly turned back. As the cab zoomed away, she could have sworn she saw the cabbie grinning from ear to ear.

**Thanks for reading :D**

**All of your prompts have been documented for future use ;) Feel free to suggest more!**

**Next up: Blair and Dan get busy in the bar bathroom.**

**Hope you all have a great week!**


	3. Dan and Blair Get it on in the Bar

**Thanks you guys! You are giving me some awesome prompts to work with, which I will start incorporating after this chapter. Oh, and I heard your cries. Dan takes charge in this one ;)**

**Hope you guys enjoy this installment :b **

**Happy Weekend!**

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**Blair and Dan Get It On In The Bar. And in the Alley Next To It.**

They sat hidden in a booth, tucked away in a corner of a packed, dingy, steamy, dimly lit whiskey bar in the heart of Williamsburg. The deliberate, steady thrum of an electro-funk pop band electrified the crowd.

"_Victim__…__Victim_…_I__'__m a victim_…" the lead singer crooned.

Dan's left arm draped casually over Blair's shoulders as he bobbed his head in time with the beat.

"_Boarding on another plane, I touched her in the terminal_…"

Eight empty shot glasses sat upside down in the center of the table.

"_Victim__… __I__'__m a victim__…_"

They were feeling no pain.

Still, Blair frowned in the direction of the lead singer up on stage. Slurring her words slightly, "What's he a 'victim' of exactly? Poor grooming? Theft? Did his roommates steal his comb and razor?" Blair snorted.

She cocked her head to the side and studied the singer.

She then peered at Dan.

There were some freakishly weird physical similarities her new boyfriend shared with the guy up on stage — the same bone structure, the same dark, brooding eyes…

But then, she _was_ drunk. Her eyes were probably playing tricks. In fact, now she was seeing _two_ lead singers on stage. She shook her head to shake it off.

Dan gazed in awe at his petite — and wasted — doe eyed girlfriend. She ate daintily, and painfully _slowly_, nibbling on her croque monsieur as if it were caviar on toast points. Despite her denouncement of the band, she was unconsciously swaying to the pulsating rhythm.

"Could you eat a little slower, you think?" Dan quipped sarcastically.

His empty plate sat in front of him. He had long finished his meal and he was growing impatient for round three.

Or was it four? Did the first time even count?

Blair cut her eyes. "I've exerted a lot of energy on you today, Humphrey. It's important to refuel properly. Which means _savoring_, and not inhaling like some cracked out rabid wolf." She eyed his plate.

He got the message; though the delivery had come at a more languid rate than usual. It was comforting to know that the sharp witted tongue was still lurking somewhere.

Dan's gaze narrowed on her mouth while she licked her fingertips one by one. His eyes were glazed over, that lustful feeling rapidly returning to his loins.

Blastoff was imminent.

Blair unwittingly ran her tongue around her lips, sopping up any remnants of the delicious Japanese whiskey Dan had ordered them. There was a satisfied gleam in her eyes as she had a look around the bar. "I guess this place has its charms." She made a face as a bald headed girl in army boots walked past.

"Never mind," she chirped, quickly changing her opinion.

She continued to observe the crowd as she pecked at her food.

"Question, Humphrey. Is it a rule that everyone in Brooklyn has to shop at 'Urban Outfitters?'"

"Are you just about done complaining?" Dan scolded.

"Sorry," she slurred submissively, shooting him a pouty look. "I need to find my manners."

"I think you left those in the cab…"

_Indeed_.

Blair scoffed. Her cheeks were aflush from all of the sex she'd been having combined with the heat of the stuffy bar.

Dan reached out to caress a rosy cheek with the knuckle of his index finger. Blair tried to hide a smile as she took another nibble of her sandwich. She was still swaying to the music when Dan began to lean in to her slowly, proceeding to plant a kiss on her neck.

Blair's breath hitched. She was trying to chew her food, but Dan started to amplify his movements. As she nibbled on the Croque monsieur, he was nibbling on her.

Blair forced herself to swallow.

She pushed her plate away so she could focus on what Dan was doing to her.

"_Victim__…__I__'__m a victim__…_"

Her eyes closed shut as he continued to work "the spot," mixing up the assault between his tongue, teeth, and lips. It made Blair tingle all the way to her center, making her instantly wet.

Dan pulled back to gaze at his beautiful girlfriend before leaning in for a steamy, wet kiss on her lips. He parted her mouth gently, his tongue teasing, playing "tag you're it" with hers.

"You're a good kisser…" Blair sighed, her senses lost as his lips meandered toward her neck again.

"So I've heard," Dan replied arrogantly between love bites and kisses.

The statement left Blair breathless.

As did Dan's next move…

His hand moved onto her knee, and her legs reactively parted for him. He began to massage her inner thigh.

She held onto his bicep while his hand inched further up her dress. Dan's tongue continued to work her neck as his fingertips touched and teased their way over her tights.

"_I__'__m a victim__…"_

Blair convulsed, her head hitting against the back of the booth, as he suddenly teased her damp center. "Oh…" she mewed, bucking against him.

He began to stroke her center with his thumb now.

"Mmmm…" she moaned.

Dan smiled against her skin, his mouth clamped to her neck while he tortured her with his dexterous fingers, his knuckles skimming over the moist fabric, his fingertips applying various amounts of pressure.

"Dan…" she breathed.

"GET A ROOM!" a loud, gender ambiguous voice called out.

Dan and Blair looked up simultaneously, stunned to see the bald girl from earlier glaring down at them. "Some of us actually came here to enjoy the music, not for a porn show!"

If Blair had been a little more coherent, and not still reeling from Dan's very gifted fingers engaging with her most intimate areas, she would have most certainly had some choice words for her.

"See, hotel rooms don't really work for us," a soused up Dan explained. "Too vanilla. My girlfriend and I like to go a little 'avant-garde,'" he added with a wry wink. "Elevators. Taxis. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about."

"I'm getting the manager." The bald girl huffed, then sneered at Blair before marching off.

Blair and Dan both shot her nasty looks.

Blair glanced at Dan's hand. It was starting to descend away from her, back down her inner thigh.

Dan looked at her. She was pouting now.

At that moment he noticed someone exiting the men's bathroom. He nodded towards it.

"Come on," he commanded urgently, nearly shoving Blair out of the booth.

"Humphrey?! What are you doing?" Blair whined, annoyed.

"Bathroom!"

"Can I at least get my purse?"

"Hurry up."

She grabbed it, and before she knew what was happening, Dan was ushering her through the crowd.

He poked his head inside the bathroom.

_All clear_.

Blair let out a squeal as he pulled her inside, then slammed the door behind them.

She took a quick glimpse at the urinals and the two stalls. There were paper towels strewn all over the floor and a loose roll of toilet paper just hanging out by the sink. Blair stared at the wall behind the urinals and nearly gagged. "I don't understand. Is it that hard to hit the target? Disgusting."

"How about you give it a rest with the complaining?" Dan advised as he unzipped his pants.

"How is that complaining? That's an observation."

"Fine, you've made your observation. Now take your clothes off and pick a stall," Dan commanded. He was already painfully hard.

Blair scoffed. "What? Humphrey, I'm not having sex in here. Like I said, 'DIS-GUS-TING.'"

"You just had sex in a dirty, New York City taxi, Blair, where I'd be willing to bet at least one person a day projectile vomits."

Blair cringed.

"And you're the one who came up with the bathroom idea in the first place! Why do you think I dragged you in here?"

"I don't know. Maybe to escape that monotonous droning that's masquerading as music? And I believe I stressed, '_clean_' bathroom. This is, in fact, the opposite."

"Take your clothes off. We're doing this."

"I _will_ not, and we _are_ not," Blair snapped.

"Blair…" Dan warned.

"Humphrey…" Blair echoed.

He began to stalk towards her.

Blair reactively backed up into the counter. Her back hit hard, a shiver of excitement tingling down her spine as he preyed on her like a cheetah tracking a gazelle.

"If you don't start taking that dress off, I'm going to make you get down on your knees, on this 'disgusting' floor —"

"No you won't!" she sassed.

Blair's pursed her lips together. She was testing him and he knew it.

He gulped in irritation as he stared her down.

There was something about the way he was looking at her, the way he was talking to her—combined with the effects of the alcohol—that was making her very light headed right now. And very turned on.

Dan was panting, and the vein in his neck was bulging.

It only added to Blair's arousal.

"Fine," she said, relenting. "Whatever. I've obviously created a monster, here."

Blair felt around for the zipper of her dress as she hit up the first stall.

Dan exhaled, relieved, and pleased that for once she was obeying him.

He licked his lips and followed right behind her.

Dan pushed the stall door shut and locked it behind them while she placed her clutch on the lid of the toilet seat. She pulled the dress off her shoulders and let it fall to the floor, picking it up instantly so that it wasn't exposed to the dirty floor for too long.

She peered around for a hook, but there wasn't one to be found. She gently draped it over the top of the stall, then took a step towards Dan.

"Can't believe I'm about to do this in a nasty Brooklyn, hipster infested — "

"What did I say, Blair?"

She crinkled her nose and pouted for a moment before dropping submissively to the floor.

"There. I'm on my knees, Humphrey. Satisfied?"

Dan unbuttoned his shirt. He held his breath as she yanked his pants and boxers down, exposing his highly impressive cock.

Blair bit her lip coyly. She had to admit, she liked what she was seeing. Dan's penis was massive; much bigger than Chuck's. She loved how quickly she could get him going, too, as opposed to Chuck, who usually had to pop a Viagra to counteract the whiskey dick he normally sported.

She made hooded eye contact with Dan. He shuddered as she licked some pre-cum from his tip. "Fuck…"

Blair then gave it a quick kiss before taking him in her mouth half way, flicking the tip with her tongue and swirling it around in circles as she went.

"Holy shit…" Dan gasped, gripping the top of the stall door behind him.

Those lips deserved all the awards.

"Mmm," Blair hummed along, stroking and twisting his shaft with skilled timing and precision. She began to smack her lips against his cock, the sound reverberating off the walls.

The sensation was incredible, and Dan's hips bucked in response to each "smack." He'd never encountered such a technique.

Blair sucked him down like a straw now, taking him in as far as she could, his tip engaging the back of her throat.

Dan's head tilted back, his hands moving down to grip her head firmly in place as she gave him the best head he'd ever had in his life.

After a brief respite, the band started again with another slow, sensually charged electro-pop number.

Blair's movements worked in time with the slow, seductive rhythm.

"So good, Blair…" Dan praised, almost unconsciously, as she teased his firm abdomen with her fingertips. "So fucking good…"

"_Ea-sy__… __tell me bout your karma__…"_

The sudden sound of the door opening jarred them both.

Blair peered up at Dan, frozen, her mouth full of his cock.

Dan was panting down at her, silently pleading for her to continue. He _needed_ this.

Seconds later, they heard the sink turn on and the water running.

Blair shrugged, then got back to giving Dan head.

"Fuck… thank you, God…" Dan mouthed to the heavens as Blair picked up the pace slightly. Dan grunted his appreciation as she gave his balls a lingering massage.

The water turned off.

Blair sucked him ravenously now, her face straining.

"_Don__'__t try to push it I can pull you in__…__.__"_

The sound of shoes clapping off the linoleum echoed, and Blair halted her movements again, much to Dan's frustration.

Under the stall door, she watched as a pair of men's boat shoes wandered into the adjoining stall.

The bathroom door opened again.

Blair peered out to see a pair of purple women's ankle boots. They seductively clacked right past her — right into the stall with the boat shoes.

Dan gritted his teeth. "Come on, Blair," he whispered, bucking his hips to get her to resume. His eyes were shut tightly.

She hesitated for a moment, then returned her attentions to her patiently awaiting boyfriend.

Out of the corner of her eye she could see the ankle boots — and the legs attached to them — being vaulted off the floor.

There was suddenly a loud thud, creating an earthquake like vibration throughout both stalls.

"_You__'__ve been a bad girl__… __You dirty little slut__…_" said a male voice from the next stall.

"_Then why don__'__t you just stick your big cock inside my wet pussy,_" a female voice shot back.

Blair halted again, completely thrown. She removed her lips from Dan's cock and wiped her mouth.

"What are you doing?" Dan mouthed. This stopping and starting thing wasn't going to work.

Blair stood up hastily.

"Humphrey," she whispered. "I cannot work like this," she huffed under her breath.

"Uh, you just fucked me in a taxi, Blair!" he whispered back. "While also managing to get the driver off. I think you've proven you can work under any conditions!"

"_I want you to pound me into next Tuesday, baby._"

Blair and Dan exchanged curious, disturbed glances.

And so the pounding began…

"_Mmmm. HARDER! Deeper! RIGHT THERE! Fuck me with your big cock._"

"_I'm wanna cum all over your tits."_

"_Then fuck my tits, asshole!"_

"_Maybe I will, whore!"_

"_Then do it, bitch!"_

They were loud. Obnoxiously loud.

Blair's mouth was agape and she was fuming now as she listened to what was going on in the next stall. She watched the side of the stall vibrate over and over amidst a flurry of moans and groans and grunts.

"Excuse me?" Blair called out, crossing her arms indignantly. "Would you mind keeping it down to a dull roar?"

There was no response. Just more grunting and moaning: "_Mmmm. HARDER. Deeper. RIGHT THERE! Fuck me with your big cock._"

Blair turned to Dan. "Will you _do_ something?"

Dan looked at her in confusion, stifling an amused laugh. What did she want him to do exactly?

She stared at him expectantly, crossing her arms in displeasure.

Dan suddenly found himself leering at her. No one else could wear a bra and tights, pumps and pissed off expression, quite like she could.

He examined his still rock hard, and very exposed shaft.

This shit was about to go down.

Dan grabbed her arm and swung Blair around, catching her by surprise and ramming her back against the side of the stall.

"Humphrey! What are you —"

His mouth caught hers, shutting her up instantly. She swooned into him as he aggressively jerked her tights and panties down. His fingers immediately found her wet center and he began to work her clit.

"_Oh_…" mewed the female in the next stall.

"Oh…" Blair echoed.

Dan worked her hard, and she squeezed her thighs together, holding his fingers hostage.

"Mmmm…" Blair moaned, in perfect harmony with the girl in the next stall.

"_More,_" said the female voice.

"More, Humphrey…" Blair said as she gripped her hair and thrust herself into his agile fingers.

"_Right there_…" the female voice said. "_Fill up my dripping cunt_."

"Right… Right there…" Blair echoed. She gripped Dan's forearm, forcing him to move his fingers in and out of her more deeply.

He somehow managed to free his fingers, pulling her up against him, kissing her lips roughly.

She gasped as he gave her ass a good squeeze, before he surprised her again by roughly flipping her around. She was now facing forward against the side of the stall, her back to him, palms against the wall.

Dan grabbed her by the neck, placing a rough kiss against it.

"_Mmmm_," moaned the female voice in the other stall.

"Mmmm," Blair echoed.

Dan palmed her breasts as he roughly pulled her back against him. He then pushed her over like a rag doll, jerking her hips into position while she frantically searched for something to balance herself on. Her hand blindly found the toilet paper dispenser.

Blair exhaled, squirming uncontrollably, as Dan placed hot, wet kisses down her back.

Dan whispered against her as he allowed himself a glimpse of her bare ass. "Beautiful…" he said as his fingers skimmed the smooth, delectable mounds.

She peered over her should at him. "Fuck me, Humphrey… Please…"

Dan was still fixating on her ass, massaging both cheeks for a moment with his fingertips before digging in with his nails, leaving trails of red along her milky white derriere.

"Please just fuck me!" she mewed. She was positively drenched now. "Put your cock inside me and pound me, Humphrey! PLEASE!" .

The next stall had become noticeably quiet.

"Have you been a bad girl, Blair_…__?__" _Dan asked as he bent down to lick her ass. She convulsed against him.

"Oh yeah… Yes…" she mewed. "But please don't punish me anymore…" she begged.

Dan smirked, "Sorry." He then gave her ass a loud spank.

"Oh…!" Blair screamed, almost coming right there. "Please, Humphrey… I want to come with your cock inside me…"

"Say that again, Blair?"

"I want to come with your huge, massive cock inside me! Over and over and over."

With that, Dan wedged his knee between her thighs, prying her legs apart.

"Oh, God." Blair couldn't breathe. "Oh, God…" She couldn't stand the anticipation.

"You sure you can handle this?" Dan asked firmly, licking his lips.

"PLEASE, Dan…" she panted. "Do it!"

Dan placed his hand on the back of her head and pressed her downward for a better entry point, peeling her away from the toilet paper dispenser in the process.

She was practically touching her toes.

_Thank God for those Tracy Anderson workouts._

Dan teased her with his cock first, before slowly penetrating her, as deeply as possible.

"Oh…" she mewed as she gripped his thighs, trying to stabilize herself. "Thank you…"

Dan set a brisk, yet smooth rhythm, and the percussion and synthesizer heavy music perfectly accompanied their movements.

"Harder. Deeper…" Blair gasped as his fingers roughly dug into her hips, leaving red marks. They then moved to trace her abdomen before working their way down to tease her clit.

"Oh, God." She smiled at the added stimulation.

"You like that, Blair?" Dan asked, panting as he gave her an extra hard thrust.

"Yeah…"

Blair pushed her ass into him, meeting every movement, the loud clap of skin to skin contact echoing off the walls.

"I'm almost there," Blair wailed, peering over her shoulder, watching as Dan grit his teeth.

"Come for me," he growled. "Now!"

"Okay…" Blair cried submissively. "Oh!" She erupted into a series of disharmonious sighs and moans as he rammed her mercilessly now.

"OH. Yeah! Humph… Umm. Oh! Humph-ree! YES! God. Oh God!" she wailed as she climaxed.

"Fuck, yeah…" Dan grunted in concentration. "You feel so good, Blair."

She continued to move her hips for him. "Come on, baby," she coaxed him. "Finish me off."

Dan stilled her hips now, grunting and holding her against him while he delivered the final blow.

Between clenched teeth, Dan yelped, "Fuck, Blair… YES… FUCK!"

Blair squeezed him tightly, refusing to let him go, feeling another surprising jolt between her thighs. "Oh…"

Her eyes lit up with amazed satisfaction as she watched his cum trickle down her thighs. "Mmmm," she moaned softly, closing her eyes in exhaustion.

Dan and Blair stayed pressed together for a bit longer—breathless, sweaty, and locked in the throes of post coital bliss.

His fingers slowly skimmed the length of her body, teasing her breasts, down her torso and abdomen.

Blair smiled and wrapped her arm around his neck, pulling him down for an electric kiss.

"Thank you, Humphrey…" she whispered against his lips.

He looked at her with hooded eyes—the most beautiful sight he'd ever seen. He kissed her again.

They finally separated, and Dan pulled some toilet paper off the spool. She ran her fingers lazily through his hair as he kneeled down to wipe her off.

After putting their clothes back on, Dan and Blair stumbled out of the stall, giddy, wrinkled and sweaty.

"Bravo…" said a sarcastic female voice, standing just behind them in the doorframe of the other stall. She added a couple of slow claps. "Bra-vo."

They turned to see a very annoyed guy wearing a white, zip up hoodie, jogger pants and a beanie, and a girl in a black, sleeve-knit skater dress. Also wearing a beanie. The guy and girl were attached to the boat shoes and the purple ankle boots.

"Can't even have sex in a public restroom anymore without someone trying to compete with you," she said with a scowl. "Come on, Spike." She grabbed his hand.

"Frealz, Veronica," Spike said in agreement. "Let's just go to my Mom's."

Blair and Dan looked on as Spike and Veronica exited.

"Frealz," Dan whispered as he placed a soft kiss on a giggling Blair's neck.

XOXOXOXOXO

After another round of whiskey, and another order of croque monsieurs, Dan and Blair bundled themselves up in their coats and ventured back out into the frosty, Brooklyn air.

"_Whooo__… __That Japanese whiskey went so well with croque monsieurs,_" Blair sang out happily.

She had never felt so sated in her entire life. Both appetites had been thoroughly satisfied.

"_I told you, great things grow in Brooklyn_," Dan chimed back with a drunken smirk as he snuggled her up against him.

Blair couldn't help but laugh at the corniness. She was positively beaming at him now, her eyes glossy from euphoric bliss and massive alcohol consumption.

"_Well now we have a problem of where do we go from here_?"

"Uh…here looks pretty good," Dan said as he ogled her, pointing to an open gate leading to the alley adjacent to the bar.

Yes. Dan was horny. Again.

"What? Ah!" Blair giggled in disbelief as he led her behind the barrier. She was still so tired from their dirty bathroom romp.

Before they could even make it out of public view, Dan was pulling her in for a steamy kiss.

Their lips were beyond chafed at this point from all the kissing they'd been doing all day, but they weren't letting that stop them.

Blair purred against his lips as he prodded her toward the brick wall, propping her up against it.

He took a moment to discard his coat, haphazardly tossing it to the pavement, along with her purse. Being the gentleman he was, and considering the frigid elements, he figured he'd let Blair leave her coat on for this round.

But he would need to unbutton it for access.

Blair trembled at the feel of the cold, brick against her back, marveling at how invigorating it felt. It clashed with the heat of Dan's hands which had already begun to roam the length of her body.

"How many more times can we possibly fuck today, Humphrey?" Blair panted as he hiked her dress up, and shoved her tights down.

"I think we might be setting a record," he breathed against her neck as he fumbled to unzip himself.

The truth was, Dan had wanted Blair for so long, he was going to take what he could, whenever and wherever he could.

He reached under her thighs and lofted her up against the wall, so she was peering down at him.

"Humphrey…" she exhaled, eyes closing from fatigue.

Her pumps dangled from her toes, holding on by a thread.

Dan watched her face closely as he plunged himself inside of her.

Her eyelids popped open; suddenly awake again.

He gave her a moment to adjust, and Blair sighed against his neck as she gripped him between her knees, prodding him to proceed.

"Mmm…" she moaned, relishing the feel of him inside her once more.

They fit together so perfectly.

He grinded into her slowly, at a much more leisurely pace than they had engaged in previously—probably because they were just so damned exhausted.

Dan scanned her face, making intense eye contact with her as he "took her there…" again.

He wanted to remember every detail—every crinkle on her face, every flutter of her eyelashes, every pout of her perfect pink lips.

"How does that feel?" he wondered aloud, gazing up at her.

"Good," she said, biting her lip and closing her eyes in concentration. "So good…" Her voice was all rasp now.

They were in the depths of ecstasy, but Brooklyn lay just beyond the barrier—with the disconsonant sounds of cars driving by and honking horns, and people gabbing on their cell phones as they passed by on the sidewalk.

If anyone had been paying attention, they would have seen Dan and Blair's silhouettes, rocking against each other at an excruciatingly languid rate, having their own private little party.

Blair grabbed his hair as he pushed deeper inside of her. "You feel so good, Humphrey," she said, meeting every thrust.

Her head tilted back against the wall.

"You're so tight," he panted. "You're so incredible."

A crinkle of a smile fell upon her lips as he placed extra pressure on her thighs with his fingertips.

He could already feel her walls tightening around him.

"Hold on, Blair…" he begged. "I want to come with you."

Her face grimaced in agony as she attempted to comply with his request.

Dan continued his movements, watching as her head bobbed up and down, falling side to side against the brick, in the grips of ecstasy.

"I can't, Humphrey…" she sobbed.

Her fingers dug into his shoulders now. He answered by digging his fingers into her thighs.

"Almost there…" he grunted, his face straining for the grand finale.

Blair cried out raspily, "Don't stop fucking me, Humphrey! Don't stop."

Dan kissed her mouth as he pounded her against the brick. "Never," he whispered between gritted teeth.

With a few more thrusts he found himself coming hard inside her once again—bringing her with him over the edge.

"Yes, Blair! Fuck, yes…" He groaned, muffling himself by biting down on her neck.

"Oh, God, Humphrey! OH!" she cried, pulling his hair as she squeezed his cock for every last drop.

"Yes, baby," Dan urged her on, continuing to pump into her as she came down from another high.

She collapsed against him, completely spent from her fourth earth shattering orgasm in just a couple hours.

There was no doubt about it. Dan Humphrey knew how to fuck.

"Oh, I'm so tired…" she whined groggily.

Dan pulled out of her, but kept her body propped up against his, her head coming to rest on his shoulder, her arms around his neck.

"I know, baby," he said softly, pulling her off the brick and cradling her head.

They were a sticky, sweaty, mess.

"I think we need a shower," Dan commented, perhaps suggestively.

Blair gave an exhausted grin. "Yes."

* * *

**I probably should have made this two chapters, but I'm eager to get into the prompts, lol. I tried to give a subtle (or maybe not so subtle) shout out to Penn Badgley's band "MOTHER" in this chapter. The lyrics I used are from the songs "Victim" (obviously, lol) and "Easy" again, probably obvious. His voice is super sexy so give it a listen.**

**XOXO**


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